Monday, February 18, 2013

Here we go....

I am a very linear person. I like a beginning, middle and end. I can ramble, but if you bear with me, I will make a point (if I remember what it was, that is).

I like order. My clothes hang in my closet a certain way. My socks are matched and folded in half and sorted by color. When I want a pair of scissors, I know where they are or they are in Hayley's room. I like algebra and geometry. They are objective, not subjective. I am most comfortable in my house when it is clean. That means nothing in the sink, no clutter on my desk, everything put away. I hate dusting and vacuuming.

I am an introvert. I love quiet and I think way too much. I can't tell you the last time I turned on the T.V. Oh wait, yes I can--to watch Obama's State of the Union Address.  It was mostly interrupted by a local something or other. I get my news from the internet. I hate parties, too much noise and people. I love my time alone.

I have always voted Democrat.  My father is a republican. I have no idea how my mother votes. I tend to be a conservative democrat, but my blood runs blue.

I am an addict. I took my first drink when I was 12 but didn't like it much. I got high on pot about the third time I tried it and was never clean again until the month before I turned 22. Drugs saved my life. They kept me anesthetized until I found the fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous. I just celebrated my 28th anniversary clean.

The best moments of my life were giving birth to my daughters.  Taylor's birth was scary. I dilated very quickly and violently, then she got stuck. When I finally pushed her out, she had a cone head that went on forever.  I was in love the second I heard her cry.  I had to ask three times if she was a girl.  I wanted a girl.

I knew Hayley was a girl.  I had a private ultra sound done to confirm her sex at 18 weeks.  That wasn't customarily done in 1992, but I wasn't going to argue over boys names with my (then) husband. I delivered Hayley by myself.  I caught her with my feet as the nurse was tied to the wall via a corded phone, calling for help.  Hayley was the best baby in the world.

I am a lesbian.  I prefer the word gay to lesbian. I didn't want to be this way. I wanted to be "normal" and have 2.2 kids, marry a nice man, and live in the suburbs.  I did that. It nearly killed me.

I went to my first ritual nursing eight-week old Hayley. I realized then and there why religion never worked for me. God is a woman. Duh. It hit me like a bucket of water. I am a witch, a Dianic witch and an Ordained one at that.

I have two horses, three dogs, four cats and a tank full of salt-water fish. They are a lot of work. The tank is neglected.

I smoked for 22 years. Well, more like 18 years over 22 years. I didn't smoke during my pregnancies or the immediate nine months after, or for other short spans of times when I quit seven different times.  Eight was the charm. I never smoked a cigarette when I was using drugs. And I pay for that smoking to this day when I exercise.

I love photographs. I will always include at least one.

I have to get to the barn, the sun will set in an hour. My anxiety is rising anyway.



  1. Wonderful, Leigh. Thanks for sharing your words! Jennie

    1. Thank you Jennie. Hayley just turned 21 years old. That means I have known you that long. So blessed.

  2. I think this is awesome. Love you my friend. :) Loretta

  3. I love the blog!

    The Other Duckie

  4. My heart aches for you Leigh, but this is a beautiful way to heal. You are so brilliant and full of life, thank you for sharing it with us <3

    1. Anna Banana. Thank you. You'll have to share some Taylor stories, please?

  5. Replies
    1. oh no, i have three Cynthia's in my life. I am not sure which one of you is free falling here. Can you give me a hint?

  6. I completely engoyed reading your blog thus far. I had goose pumps reading the beginning. Take care and continue....

    1. Thank you. It has taken me a bit more than three years to get to this point of writing. It gives me goose bumps too. I

  7. Replies
    1. I just wrote a long ass reply and, poof! Gone. Love love love reading your story.. you were always such a giving and caring girl, you deserve everything good!!! I'm so sorry things went in the shitter for you! Yes. Still eloquent as ever! I am becoming the crazy cat woman I was destin to be.
      Please write more!
      Love you sweet girl,
      Your nice mom
      Btw...if I'd brought you up your place would be a mess. The first half of your blog, why it could have been Beverlee's!!!

    2. Wtf???? Sara Blogwood???? You HAVE to be kidding me!!! Hahahahaha! Remember how we would laugh and our sides would split open? That's how hard I'm laughing now!!! I know you Leigh, I'm gonna be Blogwood forever now.
      I can't get over name just went from super cool to super swamp creature! Dang!

    3. Somebody's April fooling me right? It's not gonna show up that my name is Bloggwood. Okay. Who's the prankster?

  8. Hey Sara, that is so funny. Yes, I remember laughing that hard all the time. We had some really great times.

    Chook definitely, profoundly influenced the person I am today. More so than any single person. When I reread this I had to laugh at this: My clothes hang in my closet a certain way. My socks are matched and folded in half and sorted by color. If that doesn't scream Chook, what does? You were the only one that softened the blow, lol.